My Sleep

Oh, and by the way. Funny habit and trend I've noticed.

the flies come after the heaters are on. Even in midwinter. This assfuck shithead has yet to draw that very fucking basic conclusion. So, every night, he turns on the heat on his side of the room (no divider, it's really for the whole room). Those two degrees spawn flies and overheat me when I'm trying to sleep, ending up in me waking up to an incessant buzzing at five in the fucking morning.

Throughout the day, all day, he'll open the windows to let some air in. But fuck me for wanting to sleep.

Here's a tip, assfucker, if you're cold, buy a fucking blanket! Buy two! Buy a duvet. Buy something with feathers!

AND STOP SLURPING THOSE GOD DAMN SEEDS YOU MOTHERFUCKING--

my new secret pleasure is cranking Marilyn Manson on his fundamentalist christian ass. No, not all christians are dicks and not all of you deserve it.

But fuck me in the ass if it isn't fun to watch him squirm out the side of my eye while Hugh Warner compares church attendance with fucking. Awesome.

I also bought Letter to a Christian Nation the other day. Next up, The God Delusion, The End of Faith, God is Not Great and Breaking the Spell. Fuck his bronze bleeding Jesus. Science fucking works.

My Ears

Jesus Christ this motherfucker eats like a slobbering dog. No. No. Dogs make far less noise.

I can hear his cheeks flap when he slurps down sunflower seeds. He has so much saliva in his mouth it sounds like tidal waves crashing into his teeth.

He can't even fucking eat quietly.

THE FUCK

...

SERIOUSLY THE FUCK

How do you go through 18 years of life without learning how to eat without sounding like a savage? "Quit making a din with your dinner!"

It makes me want to tape his mouth shut and keep him nourished intravenously so I don't have to hear his fucking mouth chewing up and down, up and fucking down and christ in FUCK at least clean up the shells of the fucking seeds you toss on your side of the god damn floor you ASSHEAD

... yep. school's back.

My Revelation

Holy shit, I think he's reading the bible to himself under his breath every morning.

sort of makes you wonder if any atheist has successfully gotten a room switch because their roommate so devoutly believed in god that it made them uncomfortable, you know?

My Window

There is an outright majestic view from my room. This view is of course ruined by flies. A lot of flies.

At all times.

It doesn't matter if you spend a weekend disposing of them, because they have a 36 hour lifecycle. This means you need to spend at least three days of constant vigilance fly killing in order to ensure total destruction.

Which means four days if you actually want them gone.

The little fuckers are now coating my window. yes, coating is a bit melodramatic, but shit in heaven, I don't want do deal with these things! Now, I had been taking care of them all weekend with a vacuum that Dude accidentally stole from the sign-in people downstairs. I now have to deal with more than ten flies, spontaneously generating onto my windows, and those little shits are still going to be alive when night falls and they're gonna be all up in my lamp and overhead light, and GRR

Flies suck.

Hard.

HARD

in other news, I can taste his bodyspray in my mouth. you know that scene in Anchorman with the Panther cologne? THIS SHIT SMELLS THAT BAD--WOMEN OF THE WORLD, SPARE MY FUCKING FACE HAVING TO DEAL WITH IT AND LEARN TO ACCEPT GUYS FOR HOW THEY SMELL

My Mornings

My mornings are usually spent either rushing to an 830 class, barely making it in time for a 930 class or sleeping until the afternoon. Once a week, however, I get the privilege of my roommate's one-sided conversation.

Now, I don't know how many girls he's had over to his old place in the middle of the night, or how many public sleepovers he's been involved in, but Dude doesn't snore. Well, yes, he does, but only when he's getting to sleep. If you think it's weird to notice something like that, try sleeping ten feet away from someone who snores like a motorcycle for an hour or two every night. Then get back to me on how prying and invasive I am when I'm bleary-eyed at 830 in the morning from getting to sleep at 3. No, what he does is a lot more Freudian.

Dude talks in his sleep.

I've yet to put a microphone on him, record it and make millions with his underground rap skills, but the day isn't far off. The worst part is that I don't know if he's actually asleep or not. All I know is that he's one of the chattiest sleepCathys ever. Not to mention, Dude won't wake up for love of pussy. He just hangs out in bed all day talking to himself. I can hear him over my music.

And he often starts just after his phone rings, so I'm not sure if he's trying to maintain an actual conversation or if that's just his alarm and he still has issues with letting his entire body go numb when he sleeps. The same problem is the cause of sleepwalking.

I wish he was a sleepwalker so that he'd notice it in the mornings. Then again, I like my stuff untrampled. . .--

Oh, Dude's up. Seeya.

My Peeves

So my roommate likes horrible music, doesn't know what to like and what to not like without being directly told by the mass media and overall has no input on what goes into his ears other than selecting one trough over another.

It gets worse.

He's almost completely tone-deaf.

(as an exercise in ballsiness, I'm updating this while both he and an old friend of his are in the room. I'm still trying to sleep, as is my right at noon on a Tuesday, but whatever. he has nowhere else to go.)

My Privacy

So my roommate got into my facebook account as I left it online on my laptop in our room. Either him or one of his friends. Witty McFucktard (as the vandal shall be referred to henceforth) changed my status to read something "embarrassing". In more words, something painfully immature and obvious.

I congratulate him. Ol' Witty McFucktard managed to do something that's easier than vandalising Wikipedia. It took absolutely no creativity or effort. At least have the effort to change a person's name, add some embarrassing friends, mess up their applications, host a party in their name, something other than just click-type-laugh-really-loudly.

Yet, the only thing I thought when I saw my adjusted status (other than a mental sigh) was

Should I leave this out one day?